Singular "They"?

As many of my close friends are (to put it politely) grammar Nazis, I took great interest in this article advocating "they" as the third-person singular gender-neutral pronoun. "They" would take the place of "he," an obviously not gender-neutral pronoun.

Yup, I can see your eyes glaze over from here.

Needless to say, the use of the singular "they" defies all modern grammatical rules, though the breachers do have a distinguished tradition on their side. (I had no idea that such literary luminaries as Shakespeare, Dryden, and George Eliot were fond of flouting noun-pronoun agreement. Not to mention the writers for the Ricki Lake show.) I disagree with the assertion that grammar exists to promote the upper classes at the expense of the lower - anyone can learn the rules and choose to follow them. However, having searched for any satisfactory replacement for "he" as a generic pronoun, it would please me to discover that the answer was under my nose the whole time. Let's see what shows up in the new edition of Strunk & White.

(What? I was an English major - old habits die hard.)

All This, and Poetry, Too

Slate.com ran its latest installment of "The Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld" on Monday. Some choice excerpts:

On NATO
You may think it's something
I ought to know,
But I happen not to.
That's life.
(July 9, 2003)

On Criticism
It makes it complicated.
Sometimes, it makes
It difficult.
That's life.
(Sept. 11, 2003)

(Check out part one as well, which has more of a free verse thing going on.)

Did I know that Rumsfeld was such a literary talent? You betcha.
Louise Glück, eat your heart out.

Spamalot?

The latest would-be hit in the "from Screen to Stage" production stampede has been announced, and it is...

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

It's tentatively called Spamalot.

This season, I'd like to see a successful musical that isn't based on some camp comedy classic or dated movie musical. This trend needs to end. (You'd think the collective failures of Footloose, Saturday Night Fever, Dance of the Vampires and Urban Cowboy would have accelerated this process, but alas, no.) Why put these films on stage? Are we exploring any hidden themes or deepening our understanding of Tony Manero, just because we've paid $90 for a ticket to a musical that is basically the same as the film we could rent for $4, but without John Travolta?

Don't get me wrong, some of these transfers have been successful. Hairspray works because of the amazing talents associated with it (Shaiman, Wittman, Meehan, O'Donnell, Mitchell, O'Brien, etc.), and because the story was absolutely right for a musical. In the case of The Producers, I'd argue that the movie is hilarious but flawed, and the musical fixed a number of the problems in the film. The musical is still pee-your-pants funny (how can you go wrong with "Springtime for Hitler"?), but the music is weak, as a quick listen of the cast recording will show you. The music for The Full Monty, itself another screen transfer, is much better (yes, I'm still bitter about the Tony loss.) That's three hits.

Seems to me that Monty Python and the Holy Grail is pretty damn near perfect as a movie, and any stage adaptation isn't going to add anything to my appreciation of this work. It'll just make me miss Graham Chapman.

Besides, didn't the other knights have to eat Robin's minstrels? Take the hint, folks.

More Supremes News

More proof that art and politics are intertwined: three of the Supremes made their operatic debuts in the Washington Opera production of Die Fledermaus last Saturday.

See? I was right - you've got to follow the doings of the Supreme Court. Lord knows where else they could show up.

"...an Ice Capades of former solicitors general"

Motherhood has not mellowed Dahlia Lithwick. She covers the Supreme Court beat for Slate, translating legal arguments into plain language while adding a healthy dose of smart-ass humor. Her latest article, covering the arguments on the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act (also known as McCain-Feingold) can be found here.

Think the Supreme Court doesn't affect your life? Think again. In the last year alone, the Supremes have ruled on university affirmative action policy, sodomy laws, and porn filters on library computers. (OK, some of this may affect more of you than others.)

Also, the folks making these important decisions are appointed for life by the President (and, yes, confirmed by the Senate). Think Justice Scalia is reactionary? Too bad. Think Justice Ginsberg is wooly-minded liberal? Tough. You're stuck with them until they retire.

Then they'll be replaced...but by whom? And how will the new additions mesh with the current Court? Currently, a number of decisions are made 5-4. One retirement could have a huge impact, depending on the justice retiring and the replacement.

In short, kids, you need to know what's going on with the Supremes. Miss Dahlia will be happy to explain it all for you.

Not the Onion, But Close

Sometimes, the New York Times comes up with a winner. In today's International section, a headline reads:

Suspense Ends in North Korea: The 'Dear Leader' Is Re-elected

Thank God, because I was truly worried about what good ole Kim would do if he wasn't reelected Chairman of the National Defense Commission. You know, when you think about it, Kim's actually pretty good at that particular gig - sure, the North Koreans are poor and starving (they're illegally crossing into China for a better life, for God's sake), but I think it's safe to say that they won't be invaded in the near future. It looks like the "watch out, I'm crazy and I could do anything" stance works for more than just unpleasant subway encounters.

(Small aside: my favorite NYT headline remains: Study Finds Mothers Unaware Of Children's Sexual Activity. Someone actually funded this study?)

Whole Lotta Helen

Is the glorious WhatsOnStage.com turning into "News of the Weird"? From their gossip section:

Cats Inspires Headbanger's Helen of Troy???

1st September 2003

If Culture Club's Boy George can do it, why not AC/DC's Brian Johnson? According to the Sunday Times, the heavy metal band singer has penned his own original West End musical. Based on the Helen of Troy myth, the show is being workshopped under the direction of Gary Griffin, whose revival of Sondheim's Pacific Overtures finishes its run at the Donmar Warehouse this week. The newspaper has tipped Cranberries singer Dolores O'Riordan to play the title role. In addition to the musical, there's also a possibility of a dance version of Helen of Troy care of Florida's Sarasota Ballet. Johnson says he was inspired to write the show after seeing a performance of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Cats. "One day I was sitting through a boring musical and thought: I can do better than this. I thumbed through the programme and there was an advertisement for a bank with gold coins tumbling out of a wooden horse. That triggered the idea for Helen of Troy. It was as simple than that. The story has everything: love, war, blood, death, resurrection, gods."

And presumably, there's gonna be some rockin' on that highway to hell.

Cry Me A River

I have been beaten. After the nine thousandth hearing of Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a River," I am breaking down and admitting that I like it. It's catchy, and I can't stop singing the chorus.

However, I still maintain that Stripped & Justified sounds like something you'd do to a table.

The Mammy Nuns are Coming!

Some mornings I wish I was in London, especially when it's dreary and grey in Brooklyn. (Hey, in London, drizzle is romantic, or at least historical.) Today I wish I was in London because the Battersea Arts Centre is going to produce the unstagable Thing-Fish, a musical by Frank Zappa. I've heard the soundtrack, and to the best of my recollection, London theater audiences will be treated to mammy nuns, an artificial Rhonda, and the immortal line: "Harry, I don't think this is Dreamgirls."